girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
