tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
