im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
