I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
