He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
