I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.