i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days