I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
