Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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