My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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