8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
