Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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