I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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