Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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