my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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