Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police