there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.