i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
