This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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