I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
pray to the hookup gods
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
