Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize