If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
