do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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