Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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