omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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