remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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