At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
