At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize