I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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