My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
