I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I love having hate sex.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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