I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
