So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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