I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
