We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
