Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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