All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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