So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
