the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
