hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He shit in the fireplace
This toilet bowl is my home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
