I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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