i just wanna soil my oats bro
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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