genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
