I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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