She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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