i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
