everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I deserve this hangover.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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