I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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