If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
