ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he thought i was a dude.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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