All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
