Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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