as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
