so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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