i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
