Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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