just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
