Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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