Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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