She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
