I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
