She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
