Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
