the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
