final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
