my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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