she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we're so committed to being not committed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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