All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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