Your mouth is God's brothel.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
