So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize