So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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