Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
