we're chasing vodka with high fives
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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